I’m writing this letter because talking to you hasn’t worked and I’m desperate for you to hear what I have to say. I’ve been trying to tell you something for so long and tried so very many ways to communicate with you but nothing has worked and now I’m at my wits end. I’m so worried that by the time you hear me (if you hear me at all) it will be too late and you would have wasted so much of your precious time on things that didn’t and don’t matter. Don’t get me wrong, I get YOLO, I know that You Only Live Once but and this is a big BUT, YOLO does NOT always apply. It doesn’t apply when you hurt me to the point that I am forced to stretch myself so far that I scar, it doesn’t apply when what you do clogs my arteries and it doesn’t apply when I have no energy and It doesn’t apply when I don’t look good for you. I could go on but I hope you get the point.
By the way, I don’t want you to be upset with me for what I’m about to say, please I beg you, hear me out and truly listen before you judge my words. I re-wrote this letter many times to make sure I didn’t come across as some goody two shoes, or some judgmental idiot and never from someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart. In fact, before I continue, I want to tell you that I am your best friend, I am your confidant, I am the keeper of your secrets and I am 100% on your side because I love you. I care for you like no one else will or can. When you hurt, I hurt every single time. I cannot exist without you.
If you think that this letter is excessive, that I could have tried to communicate in another way, I am so sorry. I really did try so many ways but you didn’t or couldn’t hear me. If you still don’t believe that, think back and re-trace your steps to all the times when you felt helpless and out of control with your eating, or the times you spend hating me and wishing that I would change. I was with you when you went into the shop to buy that family sized packet of treats, those pies, those cakes, those heavily processed foods. I was with you every single time you sat down to eat so much that I began to feel numb, uncomfortable and ill. In fact, I have spent nights, sitting with you as you watched TV grazing on chocolates, crisps or anything that you could lay your hands on that didn’t have a shred of nutrients in. I am also with you when you drive when you could walk, browse social media when you could read, binge watch shows when you could be spending time in nature. That’s not all either, because I am also with you when you starve me and ignore me when I scream out in hunger. I suffer with you all the way.
I want to tell you how much you hurt me when I did the only thing I could to process all that you gave me. You didn’t seem to understand or care about why I did what I did, you just hated me. The reason I am telling you this is just as I hurt when you hurt, you hurt when I hurt. Please can you understand that? I am the only thing you have that lets you live in this world because without me you wouldn’t exist. When you give me things that destroy me, I don’t react badly because I want to punish you, I react badly because I don’t have a choice. I react badly because it punishes me. It’s not just on the inside either, because when you feed me with things that hurt me internally, they also affect me externally. You seem to think that I should just be able to bounce back and not be affected by what you do but, whether you know it or not, you and me are inseparable. By the way, I also need you to know that what you put inside me is not just food either, it’s what you see, it’s what you do, it’s what you read and it’s what you hear so please be aware of that when you are making choices, because you might end up punishing both of us more.
Every single time you look in the mirror and hate what you see, you are hating me. I know that, don’t think that I don’t. Then the vicious circle of you hurting, making me hurt, making you hurt starts again. Please, before it is too late, can you at least consider that this might be true. Why don’t you start a journal if it helps, start tracking when you feel bad and see if you can connect what you put inside me with how you are feeling. Also, could you consider that maybe what’s making you feel good instantly, is not making you feel good in the long term?
I am really hoping that you can stand in my shoes for a change and actually realise how much better of a relationship we would have if only you treated me even a little better? I want you to know that I really care for you, that I want you to be proud of me so that when you see me, you’ll love me. I can promise you that you if start doing that, I will reward you a million times over. If I could, I would do that even if you mistreated me, but I don’t have that ability. Believe me, I have cried many a night because I feel so useless sometimes.
I’d like you to spend more time with me, I’d like you to care for me like I care for you, I’d like you to treat me like you want to be treated. In return, I will become your most powerful, life enhancing friend that you will feel whole and complete and enough – someone who can conquer the world!!
Forever in hope
Your body xxx
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Written by Sherry Taylor
Author of The Anti-Diet Lifestyle