So, Valentine’s day is fast approaching and you don’t have a date. Everyone around you is excited, they’re taking days off work to go away for a long weekend with their significant other, booking dinner dates, buying cards, ordering flowers & chocolates, the list is endless but I think you get the picture! All this flurry of delight is making you feel even worse because so as far as the eye can see, there is no valentine lurking on the horizon. What makes you really wish you could disappear is when someone asks ‘so, what are you doing for Valentines?’. For a moment, you think about lying but the effort involved is just too much and you really can’t be bothered making up some story that you’ll have to elaborate on, so you say meekly ‘nothing planned at the mo’ to which you are rewarded with a pitying glance and a ‘oh, sorry’ before they move on the conversation with someone who DOES have a date, someone who IS doing something!
So, what can you do if you are this person, if you don’t have plans and if it’s making you miserable? Obviously, if you are happy with the situation, you need read no further and it’s absolutely OK because this has been written for someone who isn’t happy about it. Before we go on, let me tell you, I have been there, I have walked in your shoes and I was not happy about it! I found that when I was overweight, I would validate my life based on the opinion of others. I felt that because I was the odd one out, I would have to fit in with THEM and not the other way round and obviously not a compromise with either at all! I am ashamed to admit that I made up a few stories just so I didn’t feel so left out and because I wanted to avoid all the ‘there’s plenty of fish in the sea’, ‘maybe next year’ etc, etc. I have pretended to:
- Have a date
- Been given flowers
- Sent myself a card at work
Just admitting this makes me cringe, even now after all these years!
My Anti-Diet journey though, helped me to release these absolutely ridiculous beliefs and expectations because how can one day make us feel so inadequate. When you look deeper, it is not the day that is making you feel that way, it is YOU. Knowing this basic truth will free you from ever having to pretend to fit in again! Once I understood and embraced the life principle that self-love opens every door, I was able to see the situation from a different angle. It was as if, for the first time, I had put on glasses and could see the world clearly! If I could sum it up in two words they would be ‘life changing’. This realization gave birth to the creation of a road map that was to become The Anti-Diet Lifestyle which would eventually lead me to complete freedom from dieting!!
I kid you not people, once you begin to love and care for yourself, once you begin to truly believe that you matter, you will start to see life in a way you have never seen it before. You will be able to experience life in a way that you never thought would ever be possible. The amazing thing about it as well was that it opened up my life to so many possibilities and it did so immediately. It no longer mattered that I was a single mum struggling to make ends meet because with my clearer vision, I could see opportunities where once only darkness existed. So let Valentine’s Day be your catalyst, let it transport you to the new you that can see options instead of dead ends, the one who can see hope where before only despair lived.
Here are 2 powerful, but unbelievable self-care tips
- Moisturize!! – I know, it sounds absurd right but please bear with me because this is one of the most powerful ways I know of re-connecting with your body and making peace with it. Once you experience it’s benefits, you will make it a lifetime habit and anytime I find myself slipping or feeling negative about myself, I return to this tip with a vengeance! In fact, 3 days out of 7, I will do this anyway.
The brilliant thing about it is that it is available to anyone and it doesn’t matter if you have a hectic life or not. Here’s all you need to do to gain the amazing benefits:
- Buy your favourite body lotion, one with a smell and texture that you love and that suits your skin type.
- Ideally after a bath or shower, moisturize your entire body slowly and purposefully and as you do, thank your body for everything that it does – ‘thank you feet, thank you shins, thank you knees etc, etc!!’
This simple action, done regularly, will change your beliefs about your body in an extremely positive way.
- Take a walk in nature – Never underestimate the healing and energizing power of mother nature!
- Put on your favourite music, the type that will put you in a relaxed state of mind. Try to avoid upbeat sounds as they will not have the effect that we looking to achieve for this purpose.
- Go to a park, woodland (if it’s safe) or a public garden near you.
- Walk purposefully and this means, look at your surroundings, smell the environment, stop to look at flowers, shrubs etc, notice any wildlife.
- To quieten any negative inner chatter (your life is a mess, you’re single again, no one will like you) repeatedly say a positive affirmation about yourself. Here are some that you could try: ‘I love myself’, ‘I have a great life’, ‘I can achieve anything’.
Your brain will believe what it hears no matter who is telling it. Negative in, negative out. Positive in, positive out!
On the day itself, set your intention to have the most amazing day, a perfect beginning would be to write down at least 10 things you love about yourself. Let you imagination run wild with this one! Remember to really see it as a day of celebration, of a day devoted to you.
Plan Ahead – Arm yourself with options then pick one or more that appeal to you!
Here are 7 ideas about things you can do on Valentine’s day
- Watch an uplifting film. The power of the big screen should and must not be taken for granted. Make use of it at every opportunity in fact. The key is to pick the right movie or show because choosing the wrong one can be a disaster. It’s so simple really – a positive and uplifting movie or show will leave you feeling great and a negative and depressing or violent and vicious film will leave your heart in tatters!
- Have a spa day. Read my blog ‘How to regularly benefit from the ‘spa’ effect’ for ideas on how and why to invest your time and resources on ‘ME’ time. The benefits are not only emotional but physical too so it’s a win-win!
- Go out with friends. The company of friends is like a warm blanket on a cold day or an icy drink on a sweltering hot afternoon – It will comfort you and it will make you feel safe. It then needs little explaining that choosing to spend Valentine’s Day with friends is an amazing alternative to feeling left out while others seem to be having such a fantastic time. Be very careful who you choose to spend your day with though as if you decide to ‘third wheel’ with a friend and her other half, you may feel worse having done that as it may be too much if your heart is especially fragile this year.
- Read inspirational quotes, books, articles. This is a habit you can adopt on the day devoted to love but also something you should build into your daily life. Doing this will not only motivate and inspire you but it will also make you feel ‘whole’ and ‘complete’ whether you have a significant other or not.
- Buy yourself a gift. The very act of buying ourselves a gift, something we really love will instantly make the feel good hormones surge through our bodies. It does not need to cost the earth either as long as it is something you really like.
- Take a walk in nature – I often do this to solve a number of issues in my life and as an instant pick me up and doing this on Valentine’s Day is no exception.
- Talk to a friend or family member – Make sure you choose someone who is positive rather than negative. I once had a friend who’s mum was always pressurizing her to get married and have kids. This is not the person you need to speak to on Valentine’s Day!
If you do long to meet someone, know there is nothing wrong with that. Also know that you attract what and who you think you deserve because knowing this will affirm that if you love and care for yourself, you will attract someone that loves and cares for you.
So, put a smile on your face, know that when you see your life through the lens of extreme self-love you put yourself in a strong position to jet set your life to success. Begin, begin today and you’ll be full of positivity and motivation by the time Valentine’s Day arrives!
Written by Sherry Taylor
Author of The Anti-Diet Lifestyle, 4 Crazy Steps to Weight Loss Success!
Self love opens every door