It’s no secret that no one really wants to go to work, well not many of us anyway! Added to that though are so many other reasons why people have a further problem with the sheer will that is required to peel yourself out of bed and make your way to somewhere you don’t really want to be. I’ve got to admit that I have been guilty of feeling many of these which, to name but a few include:
- The, I had a bit too much to drink last night excuse (translated as I have a massive hangover)
- The, my boyfriend stayed over last night (and I can’t bear leaving him in bed alone)
- The, I just can’t be bothered today (I hate my job and am going to take a ‘sickie’)
- The, I’ve broken up with my boyfriend/girlfriend and am feeling really depressed
I’m sure that anyone reading this can add a few of their own excuses and also relate to those I have mentioned!
BUT, there’s another reason that I believe exists and its high time it was brought out in the open for it has never really been discussed much before. As far as I am aware, no one even talks about its existence to be honest! So, I have chosen to expose this time thief, this blood sucker of self-esteem, the arch enemy of productiveness….
The, I feel too fat and ugly to go to work reason
There, I’ve brought this demon out into the open because it’s time we looked him straight in the eye and exposed the terrible affect it can have on us. During the many years I spent battling with my weight, there were so many days I didn’t go to work for this very reason that I’ve lost count. What made things worse for me was that I kept a very restricted wardrobe as far as larger items of clothing were concerned which just added one more reason onto the pile of self-loathing I always had towards myself on those days. Because of this, I missed not only a day or two of work but also work-related meetings and social occasions which I am sure must have hindered my ability to progress and limit prospects for promotion. You must understand that I didn’t take these days off lightly, in fact I wrestled with my guilt of not going to work against the guilt of the overindulging that had got me to that point in the first place. I would wake up on those days, unwilling to let the duvet aside and let my wobbly body be seen by the rest of the world. I felt safe in the cocoon of my bed and promised myself that I would be really good with my diet for a couple of days, get back to my original weight before the indulgence (yes, I was that naive!) and then be back to work in no time supporting a lovely slim physique. Of course, this was not how those days worked; on the first day, after I’d called into work with some excuse or other, I would feel famished. I would start off with an angelic breakfast, healthy and small. All this did was add fuel to the huge rage my hunger had reached which inevitably led me to overindulging yet again. This time, I would console myself with the promise that I would take one more day off and be doubly strict with myself. The second day would begin with me intending to fast the whole day with a bird like portion of a meal in the evening. Wrong! I would fast until my hunger reached mammoth proportions, forcing me to dribble at the very thought of food and when I could stand it no longer, I would feast on mountains of food. The euphoria was short lived as always as in no time at all, I went from being at the peak of the mountain to having to crawl and slither under the murky boulder of self-loathing. Even when I was lucky enough to have found a job that I truly loved, the beast of overindulgence would strike, instantly leaving me a shriveled wreck of a person, totally unwilling to face the world. When I finally did manage to return to work, I’d be convinced that the whole office was staring at me and I’d try and hide behind my desk only venturing out when it was almost impossible not to.
My confession is out and I hope that I have helped some of you face it too. I believe that we should stop feeling ashamed, so much so that it stops us from carrying out every day tasks and hinders our life and personal growth. If you have ever felt this way, know that you are not alone, know that there is nothing to be ashamed of and believe that there is a way that you can climb back out from this and see the daylight once more. I am sorry if this sounds over-dramatic but if you have ever been in this situation, you will know that I am not exaggerating. In fact, I have tried my best not to.
Now for some solutions which I sincerely hope will help you the next time this feeling strikes and catches you off guard making you metaphorically gasp for air.
- Always, ALWAYS have one or two outfits to hand that you know will fit you in your darkest hours. I refused to because I tried to kid myself that as soon as I started the next diet, I would never need them again and so my money would be wasted. Even though I was wrong every single time, I still did not purchase clothes in a larger size. Had I been able to lay my hands on soft, better fitting clothes, I may have found the courage to face the world.
- Never, NEVER resolve to starve yourself in the days that follow overindulgence. Trust me, this will only make you eat more thereby keeping the viscous circle of eating too much turning. Looking back, how I wished I’d listened to this piece of advice and saved myself the torment and weight gain that stems from such a futile exercise.
- Be kind to yourself EVEN if you don’t want to. Resist the urge to hide in your bed and make sure you wash and dress yourself even if you decide to stay at home. Doing so sends a powerful message of self-acceptance to your sub-conscious mind which, over time will mean that your confidence and self-esteem will grow.
- Pamper yourself EVEN if you don’t want to. Use a face mask, exfoliate your skin, massage a lovely smelling lotion on your body, paint your nails etc. This will again re-programme your sub-conscious, mind boosting your opinion of yourself.
Written by Sherry Taylor
Author of The Anti-Diet Lifestyle